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At one point in my dating “career,” I started to explore hitting on men as an alternative to waiting for him to hit on me. At first I felt very confident and “ballsy,” if you will. I’d spot a guy that I found attractive and I’d march right over to him and start up a conversation. I would almost always think that things were going good and that I had really impressed the guy. I’d often leave the conversation with a cute one-liner that had him chuckling and my number stored into his phone, but time and time again this technique would flop because HE NEVER CALLED!!!

Now, either I coincidently always chose men who were somehow unavailable, starting a new relationship or getting back with their exes OR it had to have been my approach! I started to think that hitting on a guy does not work. I think that men need to feel the chase; like they are these big burly hunters out fighting for their kill! Somehow hunting is not fun when your prey comes right up to you and basically grabs your riffle by the shaft (no pun intended) and tells you to fire!!

Needless to say, this method of meeting men has been filed away for a while now. I think the best way to get a guy to come and talk to you is to smile at him and hope that he can muster up enough courage to come and at least say hello.

What experiences have you had with hitting on men?

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1,725 Responses

  1. Samantha

    I have hit on almost every boyfriend I’ve had (about five) except two and they didn’t work out, I never get hit on. If I waited for men to do it I’d always be single, I’m just not a good flirter and solemnlys see an attractive man. So if I do I’m going to approach him. It’s safe to say there is a lot of rejection and I make the initial move walk up introduce myself and mention I find him attractive, then try to leave the ball in his court waiting for him to ask for a number or start a conversation. They seem so thrown off that they just stand there awkwardly so I say alright enjoy your day/nice meeting you, probably could work on this myself but I already made initiative if you find me attractive to I would assume you would make a move. Then again I’m not the best at getting a man to approach me guess I better start working on it ha ha, as I’m single now my methods don’t work obviously, there is something to be said about the chase as women sometimes need it to… (Especially me ha ha )

  2. Roger

    I see that a lot of commenters are saying this kind of behavior could be seen as “too forward”, in 2015, really!!!!!??? Laughable. If going up to a guy and starting and conversation and leaving your number is what you call hitting on a guy, then it speaks sadly about the lack of equality between gender relations even in modern day America. For me it wouldn’t even register as hitting on me or even indicate, that she’s all that interested in me SEXUALLY , it would just signify that she’s probably interested in me for a relationship or friendship. BIG difference. ACTUALLY hitting on a guy to me means that you are being overtly sexual ; i.e. verbally and physically flirtatious. And while that is rare, it DOES happen late at night in bars or at certain types of parties 😉 And believe it or not, many men do LOVE that.

  3. Kristen Colapinto

    Michael – thank you for the response and for taking the time to describe what your experience has been! It’s fascinating that you are now able to notice certain body signals and use that information to determine if someone is into you. I also think you hit the nail on the head when you said that most women who are not interested will not give off these ‘signals’ – so true! As for coming across too strong, I feel the same way with a guy – if he comes on too strong from the beginning then I think that he must be that way with a lot of people and so it doesn’t make me feel special in any way. By taking a more relaxed approach and just being friendly, you are able to see if there is really a connection there and if not, well then move on!

  4. Michael

    I’m a guy in my seventies, but I’m very interested in this dating/mating game – having been single all my life. For most of my life I’ve been useless with women, I was shy and scared of them – because I felt inadequate as a man. I’ve had two ‘nervous breakdowns’ in my life and it shatters your confidence – something vital in relationships. So I devoted my life to betting the horses. But in recent years I became comfortable talking to women

    All that preamble to give an opinion on this subject. I found this post, by Googling on: “Women hit on a man when they first meet”. This is my experience now at least/ Earlier in my life I wouldn’t have known what they were really doing. (I just thought that most women, were just that nice!) Now I ‘know’ that what is happening is the way a woman needs to do it (Generally speaking) At least with me.

    Getting on the Internet a decade or so ago, opened my eyes to body language and flirting signals. I started to read what was happening when you meet a woman – who is looking for a guy. The ones who aren’t don’t give out these signals.
    I mostly meet women who work in shops or around where I live. The age range is quite wide. What happens when you first encounter them, is that many of them will be ‘very’ open and friendly! I recognize it pretty easily as a kind of question. i.e… Are you interested? It’s almost like they are saying in words: I like you, I’m open to being asked etc. Then comes the important part you’re (Mans) reaction!
    According to your subsequent reaction, or actions, they get their ‘answer’. i.e. If a female does this to me I understand the question/possibility being offered and then it is up to how the man feels. If I don’t respond in a similar way, or don’t return soon to take things further – then she loses no face or is not embarrassed. She was only being friendly after all etc.

    To answer your question – as to why you were unsuccessful when you approached/hit on guys… From my perspective, when the woman is ‘too’ overt and comes on strong, it makes you suspect that she is a loose woman so to speak.
    i.e. If this is how she acts with a stranger, does she do this a lot etc and most men will wonder (As I have done) how exclusive her affections might be.

    I have trouble approaching women. I tried it for a while and got the reaction you got from men. But then I realized, if a stopped ‘coming on’ to them and allowed them to make the first move (By being open and friendly – almost invitingly so) I got this reaction more times than I wanted or could handle!

    In my view, how a woman should do it, is as I’ve described. They just give off the inviting vibe, sometimes with ‘killer smiles’ it’s all mostly non-verbal, but its how to invite a guy to make a move. I can’t say this applies across the board – there are many kinds of people and so on. But this is my experience now – and I’m in my seventies. Younger men must be receiving the same ‘invitations’ from women.

    I really wish I’d known what women were doing years ago – I missed a lot of fun.

    Hoping this makes some sense! 🙂

  5. circlebill

    Forever, men have been approaching women and facing rejection for any reason or even no reason at all. Men have to be witty, interesting, attractive, charming, aggressive, sweet and funny at the same time! Men earn acceptance! Women don’t! Women need to look good and be friendly! Then they just sit in judment! I think it’s great that a few women are facing what men have had to live with. Liberated women! That’s a laugh! The silly woman in the article made the first move! And has the nerve to complain that the man she gave her number to didn’t call her! WELCOME TO THE MAN’S WORLD! That’s nothing! How would she feel if she hit on a man and got nothing in return but dirty looks and insults? The silly twit probably never faced a harsh rejection in her life! WELCOME TO THE MAN’S WORLD!

    The idea of women thinking they are so equal to men that they can make the first move is pretty funny! Women don’t want to go out and face being rejected! They’d fall apart under that kind of pressure! The only upside to this is a few women might learn to appreciate just a little bit of what men face! If a woman REALLY thinks she’s equal or better than men, let her be dressed and made up to look like a man! Then send her out to hit on a WOMAN to pick her up! EVERY woman should have to go through that at least once! May we all find the beautiful place where we belong! Peace!

  7. John

    Ugh. Another argument that men enjoy the chase. They don’t. It’s seen as an annoyance that must be done in order to get a girl. Women enjoy being chased, but that doesn’t mean men like to it. Most men would rather have it handed to them on a silver platter.

    When men hit on you, of course they will call you back. It’s obvious in that case they like you

    If you hit on a guy he may or may not like you. This lends itself to commonly not getting call backs.

    In other words, waiting for men to hit on you automatically filters out those who really like you and are willing to call back.

  8. Chat -Master

    Very intressting and informativ Post from you. I gonna try that by my own and i hope it will work proper right. I hope to see more of these Post in the future. Thank you

  9. Carlincia

    Yeah! Most guys, once they know they\’ve got you, are finished with you! The sucky guys at least!!

  10. admin

    FYI:
    “British stud, Robert Pattinson, has admitted that he likes women who are not afraid to make the first move”.

  11. Rel V

    I generally am attracted to men who are unique and mysterious. I love when a guy is attractive and independant. Sometimes it backfires on me because i want him to be more into me, but I start off liking their un-neediness, if you will. So I guess i’d have to say, I don’t neccessarily like when guys straight out hit on me. I like when they do their thing, it makes me hit on him. I will flirt with a guy, until he aks me out. That is my method!!! luv this article!

  12. Kim

    Sure and once you\’re tamed? Then the challenge is over and it\’s back to the hunt with a new girl?

  13. Jacek

    Why not call the guy?
    When a guy hits on a girl/initiates the conversation and gets a number, the expectation is that he’s supposed to call.

    When you hit on a guy, you show that you’re aggressive and assertive. Some guys will like that. But then, you wait around for him to call you; that’s not consistent with how you first presented yourself.

    Guys like a challenge. If you’re aggressive enough, the challenge can be whether or not he can tame you 😉

  14. Rel V

    Jill, what has your experience been with hitting on guys? Have you ever hit on anybody and had it work out?

    I also consider myself a strong and confident woman and often a guy will express interest once he knows I am strong and confident, but for some reason whenever I’ve been the one to suggest he call me, it never seems to happen…

  15. Jill

    I am a strong and confident woman and I don’t want to feel like I should be submissive just so a man can feel his own sense of worth. If he isn’t confident enough to handle a strong approach by a woman then he prob shouldn’t be dating me anyway since he will continue to feel uncomfortable throughout the relationship

  16. Lori

    I think you got this one right on. When a girl is too forward she comes across as very needy or very aggressive. I don’t think men like that type…most men are looking for someone who is just nice and easy to talk with and down to earth.